Why I Hate My Roomie: Fish Sauce (Part 1)

• She eats ramen noodles everyday. I used to do this when I was deadpoor in my first year on my own in university. So I probably didn’t notice the smell, because I was hungry and wanted to eat them. But sweet jesus. They stink! And the smell seeps into my room and the carpet…and I think, because I’m in the living room right now so was snooping a little…when she cooks rice…she ads fish/soy sauce. I love rice! Stop ruining it for me! It gives me a headache.
• She has OCD, I get that as a nurse, you’re probably a very neat and clean person. That’s fine. But c’mon! My shoes do not need to be lined up perfectly with the shoe mat at the door. DON’T TOUCH MY SHOES!
• The first time we met, she told me her name, I looked confused, and she said “you can call me Su”….so after weeks of notes being left back and fourth she leaves me a note “blah blah blah…oh, and my name ISN’T Su”. You leave notes for “M”…my name isn’t M either. Am I complaining? Only on here!
• She leaves me notes. That is annoying all on it’s own.
• She hogs the kitchen, and if I leave a plate next to the sink, she will move it to “my side” of the counter. Dude! Each side of the sink should be common ground!
• She leaves the cupboard door open when she wants me to take the garbage out. It’s worse than leaving the note! I don’t have OCD, but if there’s one thing that drives me crazy, it’s an open cupboard door. Do you know why there are cupboard doors? It’s so that the cupboards aren’t open! AGGGHHHH!

And living with this roomate isn’t even that much cheaper than living on my own.

(she’s in the kitchen right now, otherwise I’d run out and take pictures of her fish sauce)

OH! And she put cans in the fridge…like tuna cans….won’t that give me botchulism?

Shouldn’t a nurse know better?

The Biggest Loser

So I’m watching the first episode of The Biggest Loser (and Dolvetts abs through his shirt); and I’m also eating butter chicken and beef curry.

Does this make me the epitome of fail? Or resoundingly successful at being a fatty?

I’m scared I’ll be the female white version of this one day.

Oh, and P.S. Who the F names their child Chism? (Like rhymes with Jism? That’s why your kid is fat!)

Brainstorming with J: Dry Vagina

The following is a conversation with J to help me come up with blogging ideas.

Me – I need help brainstorming, all I have is a list of why I’d rather be a hostage than a prisoner, and a note that I need to write a poem “An Ode to the Mustache”.

J – How about I tasted my menstrual blood today because Germain Greer told me to? Have you done that?

Me – What?

J – It’s supposed to help you overcome your subconscious fear of your vagina.

Me – I love my vagina! I embrace the power of my vagina. But I don’t want to taste blood from anything…except my mouth when I get punched for the very first time.

J – You’ve never been punched?

Me – No, but I like that I seem badass anyways. But it’s only a matter of time since I’m working at the bar now. And when I do, I can do a Mouth versus Vagina blood compare and contrast list. P.S. The winter is making my vagina dry. (It even has dry flaky skin!)

J – Talk about your dry vagina.

Me – No! I just talked about my saggy old tits. People will think I’m falling apart!

I don’t have enough to say about my dry vagina for a whole post….and I’m not posting a picture….but something I learned? You can’t use any face moisturizer. Some burn.

I google imaged "dry vagina" and got this. I get that it's for dry vaginas. But who's the chick? Is she like the Muslim equivalent of Dr. Ruth?