Drunk Talk with Sober Girls

I thought I should make a list of some of the phrases I deciphered lastnight at work. (Surprisingly enough, not at closing time.)

The first sentence is in the language of “Drunk Horny Manspeak”, the second is the translation in English for sober ladies at the bar who have not graduated from the naive class to the cynical street smart class.

DHM- So, would you like to hang out later?

E – Wanna bone when your off work in 20 minutes?

DHM – My wife cheated on me.

E – I would like to cheat on my wife, and you are conveniently here.

DHM – I’m sorry, I thought when you said “no”, maybe it meant you hadn’t decided yet…so I should go for it.

E – Careful, I’m going to try that again in 5 minutes.

DHM – I’m really good at backrubs.

E – I enjoy the challenge of turning backrubs into chestrubs.

DHM – Why don’t you let me bring a little simplicity into your life.

E – I won’t feel guilty if you cheat on your boyfriend with me.

And here is a helpful translation for men who can get a little antsy at the end of the night…

Sober Lady – No thanks, I have a boyfriend.

Translating to Drunk Horny Manspeak….

“No thanks, I have a boyfriend.” Or; “Your not putting anything into any of my orifices, but I might get off on the thought later. Thanks for the material.”